Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
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