nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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