I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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