I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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