Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
