Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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