Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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