i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
