Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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