OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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