If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize