My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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