found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize