I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
