I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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