how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
