We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
