Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
