what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
whose parrot is this?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
