Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So squirting runs in the family.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
