I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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