Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
