I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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