I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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