census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
