Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
