Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
