You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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