We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
