and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
