Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
