Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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