worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
