Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
