Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
