you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All I want is dick and wine.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
