Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my phone needs a breathalizer
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
