No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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