Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
