so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
