So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
