I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Randomize
