You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize