that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize