i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When did angry sex become our thing?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
be right there i have to get my cape
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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