I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
