i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize