I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
