he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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