Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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