i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
