i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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