This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
