i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
