Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
