I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize