apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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