there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
