i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
