If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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