Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
