I want to walk on stilts...naked
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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