one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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