Those balls look pretty dangerous.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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