she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
someone threw a dead crab at me
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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